i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
