dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
