you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
