she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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