i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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