apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
