if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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