What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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