I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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