spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
