After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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