Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
