why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
