Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you have to choose: penises or morals?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
