so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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