I want to have your abortion
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I supernannyed him into submission
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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