i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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