Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This is my life. Enjoy the view
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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