I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
