I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
