there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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