My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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