I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize