She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
