youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.