after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.