tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.