made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in