I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
