how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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