Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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