And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
