Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I met the friendliest cop last night
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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