We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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