they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
