The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
worst night to have a conscience
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize