Do you still have your period?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
