We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
