Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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