Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
