Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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