Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm really busy with my period
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