It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
