No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
