grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
