Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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