I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
