More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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