Pappa wants mamma naked
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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