The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
