booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
