This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
