Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
