I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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