I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
