The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
