wakey wakey hands off snakey
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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