There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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