I wish I only lived at night.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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