idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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