oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
