i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize