She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize