I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
