i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
