I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
