party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
