their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
