non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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