we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
