Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
