Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.