Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high