she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
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can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
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BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.