actually, I'm a sock model
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
