dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
