i may or may not be watching the land before time
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
how drunk are you?