Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i would punch a child for taco bell
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
