She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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