This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
this hospital has no fireball
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
