If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
