I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
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It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
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Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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