I want to have your abortion
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
