So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize