He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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