i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
